"The Stars," 2011

A Short Story: "The Stars"
2011
By Rachel Mead

            It was only eleven on a Friday, but being as I had nowhere else to go on such a night, I found myself veering off the road and into an abandoned looking gas station. The lights were on inside the minimart and I could see a man standing at the cash register. At the sight of my car lights his head spun toward my direction.

            Sorry, [insert name here] I will not be buying Lotto tickets today.

            I was in no mood to buy, eat, or drink anything. I just wanted to sit; sit somewhere without the disturbance of unwanted, concerned eyes or the feeling as a hand consolingly rubbed the crick of my neck. I was done with people.  Even hearing another person’s breath in the same room caused my nerves to be on edge. I was too exhausted to pretend my life had continued in some sort of blissful perfection. I could no longer act as if what happened was similar to driving over a speed bump too fast and denting a piece of the car. It was no small incident that happened to be an unfortunate occurrence in one’s life.

            But I couldn’t go home yet. I wasn’t quite ready for the loneliness that was sure to strike me. The sad silence that always awaited my arrival. It crept out from the crevices in between the wood floors and forced me to relive over and over the pain of betrayal and trickery. It took all of my will not to start screaming like a lunatic in order to combat that un-combatable element.

            He said, “I do not love you anymore.”

            Now, what does a woman do with that statement? It’s not something I could laugh off or come to terms with. But, in my extreme shock, I was not capable of acting like a rabid buffoon, traipsing around the apartment, causing a disturbance that all the neighbors could hear. If I were prepared, that’s what I would’ve done. Then all would know of his deception. Instead, I stood in shock. Just stood there. What else could I do?

            For three weeks I’ve been asking myself that exact question. It wasn’t until sitting in that ratty gas station parking lot that I finally found my answer: there was absolutely nothing I could have done to change the circumstance fate presented me. Love takes two. No matter how hard I tried, one lover would never be enough to sustain a relationship.

            Love is the most powerful emotion in the entire universe. All it took was for me to lose it to be convinced of that fact. No one can control it. Love can overcome all obstacles, even deep seeded hate and nuclear wars. I always pictured love similar to the great oceans of the world.  Wide and deep; rich with majestic substance and mystery; ever growing and consuming; exciting, intoxicating and yet calm and peaceful. It’s as beautiful as a Picasso and yet as dangerous as a fire breathing dragon. It could kill you if you allowed the current to take hold.

            I almost let the current not only take hold, but sweep me away.  At the time, I wanted it, all of it. I wanted to be dragged out from all continents until I was far from family, friends, pets, jobs and worries. I was willing to sacrifice all of my life for some tiny piece of love that I thought I could hold on to forever.

            Where has this led me to? A run down gas station. I looked at my phone. 11:15. No missed calls. No new text messages. In a few minutes time the minimart turned to darkness. Even the cashier was going home for the night. And I thought these places were open 24/7. I was sure he’d be greeted by a family, children running up and hugging his tired legs as his wife sat on the couch and smiled at his return home.

            So there I was. Alone. Again. My hands shivered from the cold. I was sure that in an hour my feet would begin to freeze; rain boots provided no insulation, but I was much too naïve to think I’d ever need top of the line snow boots for Westchester, New York. Who would have thought it would snow this much here? My body shook from the lack of heat and as breath escaped my mouth, it swirled into a visible cloud.

            Regardless of the cold, I stepped out of my car, almost unconsciously so. My eyes watered as the bitter cold slammed into my face when I opened the car door. Salt and slush swished underneath my feet as I took a few steps forward. There wasn’t anything particular I was looking for. I’m sure if a passerby saw, they would think I wanted to rob the place. All I wanted was to walk around, stretch my legs. Maybe then I’d warm up a little.

            Everything appeared so dull and desolate. No activity or movement that was present during the day. It was creepy, as if I was the only one in town that survived an alien invasion.

            My eyes moved up toward the sky and immediately my breath escaped me. It was a deep black, speckled with tiny white sparkles, all shining in various luminosities. Some formed figures and objects. I traced my finger over the big and little dippers. I tried to find the image of Medusa.  She was my favorite legendary character. My astronomy professor ravished each and every time he spoke of the woman Medusa with her hair full of snakes. I eventually became seduced myself at the idea of a powerful and independent and yet terrible and cruel woman ever existing.

            Magical almost, how around every star existed several planets, orbiting in unison. Millions, billions, trillions. The all knowing universe smiled and winked at me. It seemed to want to cheer me up and let me know that I was not alone. As I stared, every now and then an airplane would soar by, blinking its red and blue lights. I knew that on those planes, there was a man or woman, sleeping peacefully, knowing that in the morning they’d be able to reunite with loved ones.

            At night, the sky was the active city. There were things occurring out there in the deep abyss that not even the greatest and most powerful microscope in the world could detect. I was sure that, just like me, there was someone else in the universe looking up at the sky. I was sure they felt the same wonderful and powerful sensation. A belongingness to the constellations, to the moons and suns, to the neighboring planets and the speedy meteors roaming as they pleased. Somewhere in all that movement, I fit in. I was only one among the bright stars that glowered at me, but I was still there.

            A tear fell down my cheek, the first in three weeks. I wiped the tear away with my hand and smiled in astonishment. An unexpected giggle flowed from between my lips. In my heart, I felt a joy and wholesome exuberance.  My body grew in warmth and it was as if my soul finally found the missing puzzle piece which it had been lacking. And there, under the stars, I was home at last.